Dear diary,

Last year's Parents Day, I shared with everyone that I regretted not bringing my parents to church. And I also shared that I hope to invite them the next year. This year, Cindy mami challenged me. Honestly, I was very afraid. The thought of me breaking the news to my mami weakens my knees. I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way. All I know is that my mami as a Buddhist is very against her children attending church and don't even think about being a Christian.

Ever since young, she has been telling me not to go church or believe in Jesus. She said that the believers are very bad people; take up people's time and money. She also said that in future my husband cannot be a Christian. Must be a Buddhist. I still remember last year my mami said that if ever I become a Christian, she is not going to pass me her money etc. in her will. When I hear this, I got very disappointed. I told her that if as a daughter I go for all these, she can immediately disown me. Upon hearing this, she got nothing to say.

Anyway, on Polling Day, 6th May 2006 (Saturday), God taught me an important lesson. I vote with a tick instead of a cross. I really didn't know that I'm supposed to draw a cross. Oh well, the ignorant side of me...Anyway that makes a void vote. I was feeling so "wasted" when I realise this. To me, it's a very important vote as this is my first time voting in my life. Then, this kind of thing happens.

On our way to service, I was feeling very upside down. Good thing law was with me. During worship, I finally know why I had to go through this. God is telling me that I should pray this "wasted" feeling on myself and for everyone. Isn't wasteful to know that after being a Christian who tasted God's goodness for so many times and wasted so many years not reaching out, spreading the gospel, telling how great is our God? WOW!! What a message!

After service, I share this with Cindy mami. Out of the many things she said, one point jump on me. Many a times we will think of the most negative scenario, we need to have faith and trust that everything is in God's control. Hearing that, I made a choice not only to have faith, but faith with actions.

When I got home, my parents stuck their eyes on the TV as there was a lot of the polling news. I can't approach my mami. I also realise that I need to approach my mami when she is alone, not with my papa around. The few days I was really desperate. Parents Day is coming real soon and I have yet asked my parents. I prayed everyday that God will grant me a private time for me to approach my mami.

On 9th May 2006 (Tuesday) morning, I couldn't sit up. I was feeling so giddy. I had no choice but to inform my boss and colleagues that I'm not going to work. When I woke up in the afternoon, I was still feeling giddy but not as bad as in the morning. I went to my mother's room to use toilet and saw her resting. I went out of the room and realise that my papa is not at home. Immediately I see an opportunity to talk to my mami. I told myself after my bath, I'm going to approach her.

After bathing, I was pacing to and fro in my room. My hands gone cold and my heart was beating fast, I was feeling so panicky. I mean seriously, for the longest time, I want to let her know this. But for 3 years, I've been hiding this fact from her. I still remember there were a few times my mami saw a cross pendant on my table and she asked me if I attend church, if I'm a Christian, guess what? Me of lil faith, I denied God. And every time I denied God, denied Jesus, I felt so bad. Because I know God is real living God. He is not some statue or some pictures hanging on the wall. And I know for sure that Jesus loves me.

I started praying in tongues and ask God to help me. After praying, I went out of my room standing just outside my door and her door. Then, I prayed that Holy Spirit follows me as I enter my mother's room and all other deceitful spirits and anything that is not of God be out of the room. I told God to put words in my mouth. I really got no idea how to start a conversation and how to invite.

Just as I took one step forward, I found myself stepping towards the dinning room than my mother's room. I reaffirm myself that God is with me. And so, having that thought in mind, I open my mother's door. As I slowly step in, I ask her if she is sick. She said she is just resting. Later on, I sat on the bed and told her I got something to tell her. She asked, "You're getting married soon arh?" Immediately I gave her the -_-". . . look. I ask her about our family's financial situation. I didn't plan to talk about this. In fact I believe God is really here and He put words into me. God knows that this very issue is troubling my mami. After hearing what mami said, I assure her that I will contribute more to the family expenses.

I see her getting up soon. I took out the Parents Day postcard. My mami took and looked at it. She flips to the other side of the card to see and ask me what it is. I told her that my church is having a celebration for all parents. I would like to invite her and my papa to go. I ask if she is free on Saturday. She said that she is not working but she won't be going. She says papa won't like it. I told her if papa doesn’t want to go, she can still go with my sisters. Again, she said she is not going. I know my mami's character well. She is just like me. Our "no" means "no". No such things as "maybe" or "we'll see how". It's either a "yes" or a "no". I didn't probe further. She goes on to say that it is alright for us - her children to have other beliefs. WOW!! Where did that come from? Never did I expect her to say such a thing.

I told her the plan me and law have in two years' time. I told her that the leaders in church will help us. With my broken Chinese, I manage to convince her that the church is here for us. Later on, she goes on to talk about saving money for the future, for the wedding, for the house and blah blah blah. I mean not that whatever she say is not important. But she kept on saying and saying, I'm just amazed to the point of speechless because there is no thread of rejection of whatsoever on me going to church or being together with law. PHEW! THANK GOD! THANK YOU JESUS!! *MUACKS MUACKS MUACKS!!!* :*

Though my parents did not come for Parents Day, it’s indeed a great lesson from God - faith with actions works! Amen! :D

-5:26 PM