Dear diary,

Yesterday was raining cats and dogs. Imagine just before I knock off. -_-". . .and yes I was heading to church office for cell...I heed Daren's advice (my collegue) to bring an umbrella along. Looking out, I thought I had no choice but to bring one. And so I started walking to the bus-stop oppsite the Youth Park. By the time I reach the bus-stop, I'm half-drenched. My whole long skirt was wet, my paws and shoes...

Waited quite a while for Bus 14 to come. Got into the bus. manage to find a seat. And I thought,"Phew...Thank God!" By the time I reach my destination, I realise my paws were rather dry...I mean...this is bad....My mami has always taught me to wipe dry my paws. The consequences of not doing so? I'll get rheumatism. :x Oh well, I think I've already got it anyway. :x

When I alighted the bus, I felt ultra giddy. Maybe it's because I haven't take my dinner. :x I went to BP to get a pao, bread for my dinner and an apple strudel for hamy. Tried my best to tahan until church office. When I reach church office, realise no one is in there. Feeling lump bay, I sat down at the staircase. By the time, I was like 3/4 dead already. My throat felt as if it's breaking apart. I believe the aircon is too cold, it dries my throat.

Sitting alone, I felt my legs trembling. At that moment, I knew I'm breaking apart...very soon. It's seems to me my whole system just shut down without any warning. Honestly speaking, I can no longer feel God's presence. I'm physically and spiritually down. I told myself though I can't feel God, but I know He is here. He is with me. Emmanuel, God with us. And yes, He is our Emmanuel. He is with us.

I look upon the Lord and I told myself I need to commit everything to God, the pain in my throat, my constipation, my down spirit, everything. And so, I held the pao in my hands and started to pray. "My Lord...I thank you for everything. I thank you for the rain. I thank you for the umbrella. I thank you for the food. I thank you for giving me the strength to walk to church office. Lord, I want to commit myself unto You right now. Lord, You know the pain I'm going through. (I began to put my pao on my lap and place my hands, one on my throat another one on my stomach) Lord, in this kind of state it is almost impossible to lead Your people into worship. Come Lord...help me Lord...I'm just a human. Send Your spirit to guide me. Teach me what to pray. God...You're my King...only You can help me...Lord...pls...come Lord...I invite You here...Lord, I know You will help me...I know You've heard my prayer...I trust You oh God...Amen Lord...Amen...Amen..."

Opening my eyes, I began to take the pao. Slowly, bit by bit...it's as if every bite is taking in God's strength, grace and healing. After a while, Cindy came to open the church office door. Jonathan and myself started to worship and meanwhile going through the three songs. "With All I Am" and "Sing (Your Love)" and "I Stand In Awe" by Hillsong. I've chose "One Day", a fast song by Hillsong but Jonathan said it will sounds weird with the keyboard. He suggest to do "I Stand In Awe" instead. I thought God must have annoited him with that song, so I agreed to it.

We tried the songs for one and half rounds before we start. I thought Jonathan was really good with his playing. And he said,"Aiya...I anyhow anyhow one..." And I thought,"Ya right..." He really can be my shifu in keyboard le...My drum shifu came and play along too. I felt encouraged. :) Later Win came over and sat beside shifu. I'm happy to see him coming to cell..really. :)

After waiting for our Mr "Kok Seng" :x to arrive, we start cell. At that point of time, I didn't worry. I knew God is with me. All I need to do is to worship God (John's advice before he left for his Thailand training trip). Somehow I heard John's words in my head. And yes, I began to worship. Although, all three songs are slow, but I felt the presence of God. I felt His fire burning in me.

Indeed, worship is never about the style of the music, it is never the volume of the song, it is never the speed of the song. It is about how God wants us to worship. To worship in Spirit and in truth. "Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." - John 4:23-24 - It is to worship God the way God wants us to worship, that is in Spirit and to worship God from a true, real, open, transparent and unhypocritical heart, that is in the truth.

After saying the closing prayer for the leading, I open my eyes. God paint smiles on my face. For I know, it is not by my mere human efforts but God's. The unspeakable joy was in me even untill this morning! I looked to the blue sky and remembers God's promise to us that He will never leave us or forsake us.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6 -

Amen!!

Praise God! Praise Jesus! Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-4:51 PM